July, 2005
Monthly Newsletter

STAND BY ME!
…building your support system…
Sharon Lawrence, RD, CDN

Everyone knows the expression – “united we stand, divided we fall”, but most people fail to realize that this concept applies to EVERY aspect of our life – even our health!  Recognition is given to actors in movies, soccer players who assist in a goal, and the musicians and technical staff that support the STAR of the show!  A house can look magnificent, but without the support beams it will crumble to the ground. Support is the “un-named” critical factor in all things.  Few people or events have achieved a state of greatness without the help of others.  

Scientists have discovered that you will improve longevity and be less susceptible to disease if you have stable, supportive, caring people in your life. They may be your friends, family members, co-workers or members of your faith. The value of support should not be underestimated!  Research shows that married men live longer (which may mean we could all benefit from having a wife!).  

It is clear that support is needed throughout life, but as you make lifestyle changes, the need for support dramatically increases.  Think about your attempts to give up cigarettes, lose weight or start exercising.  Did you ever find an unexpected saboteur in your midst?  The person you most expected to offer you support arrives just in time with a piece of your favorite cake or cookies and a movie to watch while lounging in your cozy recliner. They will tell you that your cheeks look gaunt and question why in the world you would want to lose weight! When you mention your upcoming plans to join the gym, they will remind you about the 5 pieces of assorted “as seen on TV” exercise equipment already serving as an alternative closet in your basement!  If they smoke, they will encourage you to join them outside for “one last smoke”!

Dealing with Sabotage

The reality is, people who are close to you, can be excellent sources of support because so much of your time is spent with them.  However, sometimes they can be just a little too close, and may not be the best people to turn to.  It is a sad fact that the people you assume will be most supportive, may not always be.  

When seeking a hug or slap on the back, the first people who come to mind tend to be parents, siblings, friends from childhood, co-workers and people you encounter regularly.  Unfortunately, some of these people are either incapable or unwilling to provide the support you need.  Instead of giving you a warm pat on the back they give you a cold slap in the face.  Apparently, you should have picked a different family tree!    

Sabotage appears in many forms, sometimes disguised as "help" or as kindness.  There are many reasons why someone close to you may sabotage your efforts.  Usually it comes down to how your changes are going to affect them and their personal feelings being threatened by those changes.  For example, a wife losing weight may threaten her husband’s security as she begins to get glances from other men.  A co-worker may not be happy when they lose their smoking, drinking and pizza-eating buddy.  The kids may be angry that they cannot get macaroni and cheese and the endless flow of chips and dip are no longer available.  Your lifelong friend sees you get younger and slimmer while they are still blaming their problems on gravity and father time.  They see you as having more interest in yourself and less interest in them.  

How do you deal with their feelings and your priorities?  First, recognize that these people may not be aware that they are sabotaging your efforts and secondly, don't let your strong need to please others cause you to abandon your dreams for a healthier and happier life.  Finally recognize the saboteurs for who they are and make sure to insulate yourself from them.

If a toxic person makes you so upset that you dive headfirst into the hors d’oeuvres table, protect yourself by not inviting them to the party!  Surround yourself instead with friends that provide comfort, safety and inspiration to strive to be your best.  

Look for a person who is encouraging, positive, gives you strength, listens, doesn't judge, understands, is available, does not sabotage, does not belittle, and who makes you important.


A Two Way Street

Supportive people are wonderful to share frustrations, discoveries and triumphs with.  However, it is important to keep in mind that we get what we give.  You will get more support and positive input when you remain positive and listen to others.  Begin your journey toward greatness by finding friends, relatives and neighbors who will become “the wind beneath your wings.”